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Post by john-uk on Mar 10, 2006 9:18:06 GMT -5
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey". Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."
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Post by john-uk on Apr 30, 2006 14:56:44 GMT -5
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. "First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," says the Coroner. "Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whiskey. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile." The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?" "Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning." "Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector. "Thought he was having his picture taken."
;D
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Post by C.@.T on May 10, 2006 14:11:53 GMT -5
lool good to see you back john C@T
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Post by john-uk on Jun 18, 2006 10:53:41 GMT -5
The following is the transcript of an actual radio conversation in October 1995, between a US Navy ship and The British authorities, off the Scottish North coast. The transcript was released by the MoD on 10/10/95.
BRITISH : Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid collision.
US Navy : Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
Negative.You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
US Navy : This is the Captain of US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
BRITISH : Negative. I say again. You will have to divert your course.
US NAVY : THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST
SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS,
THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT
YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
BRITISH : We are a lighthouse. Your call. ;D
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Post by joggl on Jun 18, 2006 11:01:13 GMT -5
hehehe, great one, John ;D
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Post by john-uk on Jun 23, 2006 13:26:44 GMT -5
A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her "Hello - How are you! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you."
When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?" "You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her. "Which word?" the woman asked. "Love." The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven. About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day.
While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. "I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?" "Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her.
"I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I travelled all around the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?" "You have to spell a word," the woman told him. "Which word?" her husband asked. "Czechoslovakia."said the women
Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry... There will be HELL to pay for later!
;D
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Post by stingercrazy122 on Aug 29, 2006 15:35:56 GMT -5
lol
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Post by SierraMike on Sept 15, 2006 16:13:23 GMT -5
hehehe LOL
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Post by stingercrazy122 on Sept 20, 2006 19:07:49 GMT -5
ROFL! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D very funny
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Post by stingercrazy122 on Sept 20, 2006 19:53:44 GMT -5
ive got a joke: a brunette, a redhead, and a blond are captured by pirates. the pirates ask the brunette, "Any last words before we shoot you?" The Brunette says, "TORNADO!!!" They look and she gets away. Then they ask the redhead, "Any last words before we shoot you?" She yells, "HURRICANE!!!" They look and she gets away. Then they ask the blond "Any last words before we shoot you?" The blond yells, "FIRE!!!" They shoot her...
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Post by stingercrazy122 on Sept 20, 2006 19:57:58 GMT -5
a man is being chased by a bear. he yells "God!" God stops time and come to talk to him. the man says "Well, never mind. i dont believe in you." God goes away. The bear starts gaining on him now. "GOD!" God stops time and come down again. "I still dont believe in you but can u at least make the bear a christian?" God says "Fine" God leaves and starts time again. The man looks back and notices the bear sitting on his knees. He hears the bear say "Dear God, Im about to eat. Thank you for this meal."
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Post by stingercrazy122 on Sept 20, 2006 20:00:01 GMT -5
iya anca alkta igpa atinlay! yaya ema!
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Post by stingercrazy122 on Sept 20, 2006 20:00:37 GMT -5
thingypit
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Post by stingercrazy122 on Sept 20, 2006 20:00:53 GMT -5
thingysucker
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Post by stingercrazy122 on Sept 20, 2006 20:01:10 GMT -5
fire ze thingy!
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