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Post by stingercrazy122 on Sept 20, 2006 20:01:28 GMT -5
im enjoying myself
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Post by john-uk on Sept 27, 2006 12:53:17 GMT -5
ok SD i had to find a joke about nuts just for you lol A tongue-tied man goes into a nut shop, and the first thing he notices is that the guy behind the counter has the largest nose he's ever seen in his life. The tongue-tied guy quickly turns his attention to the merchandise, and asks... "Ess-tues me ser?" "Yes sir," replied the clerk. "Tould you tale me how mutsh youre pisstasheos arr?" "Pistachio's? They're six dollars a pound." "SSit!" The tongue-tied guy goes back to browsing, and then asks, "Welp, how mutsh arr youre aahhmons?" "Almonds? They're seven fifty a pound." "SSIT!" replied the tongue-tied man. "Welp, how bout youre pikanns?" "Pecans? They're on sale today...they're only four fifty a pound." "Welp...SSit...just div me a poulnd of dose dhen." "Alrighty then," says the clerk, and begins bagging up a pound of pecans. Then the tongue-tied guy says to the clerk, "Sirr, I just wana tay tank you fo not maken phun of de way I talk, cauz I tan't hep it." The clerk replies with a smile, "Oh sir, you don't have to thank me for that. I don't make fun of anybody, for anything. I don't know if you noticed or not, but I have a rather large nose." The tongue-tied guy replies, "Oh, is dat your noze? I tought dat wuz your thingy cauz your nutz arr so d**n high!"
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Post by joggl on Sept 28, 2006 5:40:48 GMT -5
loooooooooooooooool
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Post by murphy on Sept 28, 2006 8:13:54 GMT -5
womit das geheimnisvolle "thingy" denn auch enttarnt wäre.
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Post by john-uk on Sept 29, 2006 13:56:01 GMT -5
Peter Kay One Liners
1) I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said 'Thyroid problem?'
2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
3) I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
4) I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on with my real ladder.
5) I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
6) A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Bypass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.
7) Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.
8) My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.
9) Sex is like bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
10) I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'
11) If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?
12) I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
13) You know that look women get when they want sex? No, me neither.
14) Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living.
15) I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
16) Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before ;D
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Post by phlying skwerl on Oct 16, 2006 16:04:30 GMT -5
duhhh thats to confusing to me duhh lpease put it in gorrilla form
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Post by john-uk on Apr 24, 2007 9:21:24 GMT -5
Husband and wife in bed together. She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder. She:"Oh that feels good." His hand moves to her breast. She: "Gee, honey that feels wonderful." His hand moves to her leg. She: "Oh, honey, don't stop." But he stops. She: "Why did you stop?" He:"I found the remote."
;D
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Post by P@NTHER on Apr 24, 2007 10:17:09 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300] HeHe John still cracking those Jokes.[/glow]
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